dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize