using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
