just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
and you fell through a lawn chair
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
