I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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