If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
