I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize