My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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