we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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