Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
