the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
