But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Shame - the story of my life.
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