i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
