The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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