is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize