I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
