There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
