i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
