Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
