who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
