Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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