I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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