You don't have asthma, your pregnant
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
