I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize