DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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