I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
