Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
