Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize