p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize