Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
