Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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