My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
