my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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