Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
