I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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