i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
