My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
