Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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