hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I cockslap morals
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
