I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
