I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
