Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
