i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
