Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
