I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
