you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
