I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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