I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
