If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
