Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
