To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
