she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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