I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize