Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
