I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
