I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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