My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
