I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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