strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
