i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
