I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I will pee on everything he values.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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