like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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