I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize