Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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