She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize