So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
