1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
