nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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