All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
