So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wanna passion pit in your ass
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
