Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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