she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
