doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
